A Rough, Blessed Week

This week has been really hard.  I've been plagued with feelings of isolation, ineffectiveness, and heartbreak.*

And yet - 

• I've been the recipient of unsolicited encouragement emails from friends back home.
• Two of my Chinese friend have gone FAR out of their way to explain to me - at great length - exactly how I've impacted their lives.
• I threw out my pain into an anonymous FB-group I love. (DFTBA)  After a couple of hours I had some truly insightful and kind words of encouragement from strangers in Glasgow, Florida, Ohio, Norway, and Australia.

I feel incredibly blessed that God has responded to each struggle this week in such direct, specific ways. It's like finding a buoy in open water when I'm exhausted.  Isn't that wonderful?

A few kind, insightful words from a stranger on the internet that I turned into a sign for my wall.

*Finals are also looming, so grading, preparation, and skyrocketing stress are all working to tie my shoulders in knots.

Singularly Thankful

Say what you want about tryptophan, but it's been about an hour since my turkey-time, and my eyelids are feeling heaaaaaaavy....

Before I call it a night, I wanted to write a Thanksgiving post.  This year at the dinner table, I was the once who instigated the round of "What are you thankful for?" questions.  To my surprise, everyone brightened when I asked.  I expected to see half-laughs and get cheesy answers, but it seemed that people were genuinely glad to fulfill the familiar tradition.

We must have listened to about eight or nine people before someone said, 'Hey, what about you?  What are YOU thankful for?'  Let me tell you - I was ready.

For the past few weeks, God's been talking to me about being single and doing it well.  I don't have too many "Thus sayeth the Lord" type of personal assurances, but He's told me for a fact that I won't be single my whole life.*  There are seas of platitudes about how a single person should feel about and/or respond to their singleness,** but this year, God has been pointing out the incredibly rich blessings I have in being a single woman in my community, and century.***

1. Meeting Human Needs.  Thanks to the feminist movement, I have been enabled to pursue, and

   

   Ironically, I was listening to Beyonce's
   'Single Ladies' when I found this.

   attain a career in a field in which I am capable and happy.  Not only do I have a career, but my career enables me to feed, clothe, and house myself sufficiently without needing the assistance or oversight of a man.  100 years ago, this would not have been possible.  I would be forced to marry in order to secure a roof over my head, otherwise risking utter poverty.  Because I'm free from that fear, I'm freed to carefully select a man that will be good to me.  That is, I can choose a man because I want to, not because I need to.
2. Career Development.  As a single, childless woman, I am not currently building a family.  Because of that, I'm completely free to develop my career however I see fit.  I can throw 100% of my energy into work that I love, and devote my creativity and passion into issues that are important to me.  Besides my work, I have time to devote to hobbies, crafts, problems, and passions.  I have time to ponder philosophy, take college classes because I want to, travel to places that interest me, and get involved in a variety of activities that may take me away from my home.  Any woman can (and I would argue that all women should) pursue these things, but my singleness allows me to do it easily and without guilt, which leads me to the next item.
3. The Women-Wars: I am Switzerland.  There are many women who raise beautiful families.  One day, I hope to be one of them.  In the meantime, my childlessness mercifully exempts me from a wide swath of Women-Wars.  I will not be evaluated by the cleanliness of my house, by my skill as a chef, or by my children's manners.****  When I use my smartphone in public, no one immediately assumes that I ignore the fleeting charm of my two-year-old's chocolate-smeared face.  I am not criticized for buying myself a new shirt.  If I'm fat, I'm not criticized for setting a bad example, and if I'm fit, I'm not criticized for choosing vanity over children.  I pray for and work toward a day where no woman has to face that kind of criticism.  Until then, I'll suffer pitying looks from other women and breathe a sigh of relief when they ignore me completely in order to explain to a young mom how the non-organic formula she's feeding her baby WILL in fact cause irreparable brain damage.
4. Experience is the best teacher; vicarious experience is a kinder teacher.  Many of my peers enjoy non-singleness.  Somedays it's hard to watch; on other days it's dazzling!  Regardless of my reaction to what I see, the fact is, I see it.  I've seen a myriad of approaches and responses to things I haven't experienced yet: weddings, in-laws, miscarriages, run aways, house-buying, emergencies, children with special needs, post-honeymoon marriage, enduring and fading love.  I've been blessed to learn from the successes and failures of the people around me.  There's no way to avoid life's troubles, but according to my experience as a student, it's much easier to pass a test if you study first.
5. Societal Expectations.  When discussing potential spouses, the dominant feedback from my community is, "Take your time, and choose carefully."  What a blessing!  Some may fear that I'm lonely, but the overriding message from my friends and family is that the quality of person I choose is far more important than my marriage age.  I expected this in my early twenties, but those years are gone.  Even so, I hear "Consider well, evaluate carefully, be wise, don't worry, ask God..."  Many of my peers aren't as fortunate as I am.  Their families push them toward men who are marginally interested or emotionally removed, because ANY man is better than NO man.  No voice of influence in my life holds that opinion, and I am thankful for it!

There are many days that I resent my state of singleness, but this week I full of gratefulness and thanks for all of the truly unique and wonderful blessings that come with this season of life.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Not my sister's potatoes or my dad's turkey,
but I didn't completely suffer this Thanksgiving.

*To those of you who laughed, remember that marriage isn't a guarantee, or right.  People live healthy, happy, marriage-free lives every day.  I've wondered before if that was God's plan for me, so I asked Him about it so could embrace it completely.  But He's told me clearly that's not the plan.
**Most of these platitudes come from wonderful married people who haven't been single since their early twenties.  I often wonder what makes them an expert in singleness, given their comparative inexperience.
***Some of these things apply to single men as well, but many of them are specific to the empowerment of Western women that has only developed in the last 100 years.
****For some reason, people often assume that single woman can't, won't, or don't have time to cook.  This is utterly ridiculous and laughable - we have more time to cook than ANYBODY!  But because they don't cook for a whole family, people don't have high expectations of single ladies.  Low expectations are so easy to blow out of the water...

Wonderful Water

After sleeping for 31/2 hours, I taught three classes and managed to eat dinner before collapsing on my sofa.  I was covered with a fine layer of China-grit, my legs and stomach ached, and my noses-knowses-my-toeses-weren't-roses.  My living room bore the wreckage of Hurricane Semester-Grades, but I tried to ignore it as I zoned out on my computer, chatting with a friend.

I decided that putting China-grit in my bed was an option too disgusting to consider.  I maneuvered around dirty dishes and piles of laundry* to flip on my hot water, weeping inwardly over my lack of a bathtub.  Then I remembered that I had hot water.  Not just hot water, but a hot water TANK, which I inherited (for free) when I moved into my apartment.  Having a tank means that I can have hot water whenever I want it, and I don't run out.  Then I thought about how I had finished my grades on time without feeling stressed out or having to run to class.  Of course, I HAD to finish them early because I had a morning Skype-date with a friend in Portland.

And then I had a mocha.
Then a student checked up on me after class because I seemed down. (Tired.)
Then talked with another friend in Chile after my classes.
While I was drinking an imported beverage.
Then I streamed a TV show. (Because I have the best wifi signal in our apartment building.)
A TV show in English.

These thoughts were running through my head, and before I realized it, I was singing along with the radio, thanks to technology, awesome wifi, and companies who think that music should be free.  And to top it off, a friend gave me a water dispenser this week.  I put down a one-time, refundable $6.50 deposit.  I now have access to free filtered water delivered to my door for as long as I want.  Things that are the norm in America just....aren't a guarantee in other countries.  I'm not being sarcastic or dramatic when I say that I'm really excited that I can fill my water bottle before class without having to boil water, ask for water from a tea shop, or wait 3 minutes as the machine in the cafeteria fills my bottle one drop at a time.  I have water - hot water in my shower, and clean water in my bottle.  I have access to international friends, music, entertainment, and I live in China, engaging in life through a completely new venue with people that I really enjoy.

I'm still exhausted.  I still want a bathtub and a cheeseburger.  But I have to say, my life is pretty awesome.


*I'm not typically a slob, but at the end of the term housework is low on my list of priorities.