Giving Thanks on Thanksgiving

I've been told (repeatedly) that being an expatriate* during the holidays can be difficult, sad, and lonely.  Luckily for me, I shaped this week's lesson around the Thanksgiving holiday.  I told the story of the pilgrims and the Mayflower, the starvation of the first winter, the extension of the Native Americans, and the joy of harvest. 

[Yes, I skipped the part about wars, massacres, and smallpox-ridden blankets.  I thought that would be confusing...]

All week, I've been emphasizing the importance of thankfulness, of recognizing what we're grateful for and sharing it with others.  According to teacher-training (thank you MAT) I explained the concept, modeled the concept, and then the students talked about it.  Then the students shared what they were thankful for.  Toward the end of class, all my students wrote down what they were thankful for about each other.  Of course some classes liked it more than others, but ALL my students eagerly grabbed their papers.  It was a little bit torturous to look at pictures of turkey, cornbread stuffing, mashed potatoes, and pie pie pie right before lunch, but so fun to explain MY traditional foods to my students!

Every Thanksgiving, we sit around the food, silently salivating (hey, that's an alliteration!), while mom makes us all say what we're thankful for.  Sometimes we have specific things we're thankful for and we're excited to say, and sometimes it feels painfully awkward as we say, "I'm thankful for my family and friends."  Of course, it's always true - it just feels a little strange to say as they're sitting right there looking at you.

This Thanksgiving, I'm away from home, but I’m filled with sincere and specific thankfulness.  It’s been a fun awareness, so I thought I’d share my list this year.

1.   I’m thankful to be in China.  It’s different. It’s challenging. It’s constantly surprising and seldom familiar.  BUT – I have the chance to taste, see, touch, smell, DO hundreds of things that millions of people can only dream of.  I see things daily that teach me more and more about what it is to be human, our commonalities, our differences.  It’s not strictly empathy – it’s more like taking a walk around the elephant, understanding how good people can come to love such a different way of life.  It’s not fast, and it’s seldom easy, but I feel like I understand people more.

2.   I’m thankful for the internet.  When the world seems VERY Chinese, I’m a few clicks away from thousands of people who speak my language.  I can see my nephew’s time in the state cross-country meet.  I can see my high school friend’s wedding, a picture of my favorite coffee shop, and funny comics with American humor.  (Guess what? Different cultures have different kinds of humor!)

3.    I'm thankful for my mother.  Even though she was decidedly NOT enthusiastic about my decision to move to China at first, she has chosen to love and support me anyways.  She's been a consistent source of encouragement and joy to me over the past few months.  In my down times, she has never come close to saying 'I told you so.'  I love you momma.

4.  I'm thankful for whoever sold my sister her ipad.  It was so good to see her face and be able to join my family at the Thanksgiving table!!

5.  I'm thankful for the new friends I've made since arriving here.  There is a handful of fantastic women here who are like-minded in so many ways.  Articulate, intelligent, fun, hardworking, patient, creative, and adventurous. I feel very lucky to be in this mix.

6.  I've always thought that I was a LOT like my dad.  As I've talked with him about my travels and experiences, I find us laughing at the same things, and generally responding in similar ways - it's so fun to share what I do and see with him!  As always, he's been my advisor and supporter, but it's so much fun to share this new slice of similarity. (Oo! Another alliteration!)  I learn about the people I love even more deeply when I see them react to the places where our lives intersect.  Talking with my dad since I've been here has added a new dimension to our relationship that I've loved.

7.  I'm glad to be writing again.  I had forgotten how much I like it, and how fun it is to share with other people.  Sometimes I laugh at the variety of tone I take, and sometimes I wince, wishing for more consistency.  My writing is like my wardrobe, my coffee, and my moods; varied, shifting, changing on a whim, subtle, brazen, bold, nuanced, and always me.  I've always felt an affinity for the ocean. It's always moving, wave on wave, pushing forward, swooping back, tides coming in and tides going out.  A dark sky makes the water black and angry. A blue sky makes it green, giddy, and buoyant.  And a night sky makes it a powerful, silvery mystery.  Even in constant change, it's consistently true to itself.
8.  I'm thankful for American standards of hygiene.  [See other posts for details.]
9.  I'm thankful for Chinese familiarity between friends.  It appeals to me.  Every time I meet my friend Maggie, we hold both hands when we say hello.  When my students take me out, they take me by the hand.  When I'm crossing a busy street, I hold my friend's hand in a semi-protective way.  It's a common, affectionate thing that I really love.  Touch is one of my love languages. =)

I feel like there should be 10...and frankly, there are SO MANY things that I'm thankful for, but thanksgiving was a WEEK ago, and this post is coming so late!  Oh yes:

10.  I'm thankful for the blogging venue of writing.  I track my 'pageviews' gleefully
whenever I post new things.  I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted!!


Happy (Belated) Thanksgiving!




*An expatriate (in abbreviated form, expat) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country and culture other than that of the person's upbringing.

11/20 Scrap Paper Journal

Today I'm tired, icky, and full of longing.  It's the kind of day where I want to cry, but lack a reason, where you feel like the heroine of a movie right before the climax.  And you pretend like it's any other day, even though your heart is full of echoes and your feet are filled with wandering.  And you wonder about things that frighten you more than failure, about emptiness and contentment, and if purpose is elusive or simply intangible, and if understanding it is important at all.  The kind of day where the cool wind is more a part of you than your tired body.

Computer Use in China

Dear Friends,

As you've seen, I am fairly free and open in my speech here on blogger (my blogging venue).  Over the past week several of my colleagues have been struggling to get service because their VPNs* were failing.  I've felt very lucky to have such good coverage!

I got a message from my VPN server this morning saying that internet security has increased because the Chinese congress is in session.  I adjusted the settings on my computer accordingly, but it does make me a little nervous because I speak so freely.  However, I have no plans to change that!

If we've Skyped recently, don't worry about it.  Skype is supposed to be very secure.  Frankly, I've found the general atmosphere in China to be for more open than I anticipated.

Please pr. for the thorough work of the people who manage my VPN and for the safety and communicative ability of my colleagues.  They're having a hard time being cut off from their emails, facebook, and families.  What a blessed person I've been!



*A VPN is a virtual private network.  Basically it tricks my computer into thinking that it is always operating in the United States.  This protects my information and allows me to have access to sites that are otherwise blocked in China, like facebook, youtube, and some google applications.

Unbelievable Opportunities

I just spent the last hour lecturing a group of 10-15 students about Islam.

SURREAL.

A couple weeks ago, one of my students asked me if I would be the advisor for the Model United Nations (MUN) club on campus.  Obviously I was interested.  When I asked her what she wanted from me, she said, 'Do you know about religions? Can you teach us about Buddhism, Christianity, and Islam?' She almost jumped out of her chair when I told her I could!  I was careful to tell her that I would teach ABOUT these religions, not tell people what they should believe.  ....but I can't believe the opportunity that just fell into my lap!

I talked about Mohammed, basic beliefs about the Koran, Allah, and the importance of living a hilal lifestyle.  We discussed the 5 pillars of Faith and distinctive practices of Islam all over the world.  I even used a powerpoint - teacher points!

It blows me away that because of my background, education, and natural curiosity, I have a mountain of information to teach students who have no knowledge about religions at all.  Of the 10-ish students present, one of them had one Muslim friend. We talked about burqas, head coverings, dietary restrictions, Sunni and Shia believers, the Crusades, the Jewish diaspora at the fall of Jerusalem and the war of 1945 that reestablished Israel and displaced the Palestinians.  And ALL of them paid rapt attention and asked detailed, intelligent questions -- every teacher's dream.

At the next meeting we will discuss Buddhism.  I'm a little more nervous about that because I live in CHINA, but it's not likely that any of my students are practicing Buddhists, so that's a consolation.  They asked me to begin with Christianity, but I want to hold out on that one - it's worthy of much thought and preparation.  I'm so excited to be doing this here!

**A gentle reminder: I can speak freely in this format, but I highly prefer that the name of the university I teach at NOT be mentioned in the comments.  Thank you for your discretion!

Weeeee!

Instead of just reblogging something I posted on tumblr, someone actually quoted me. YAYAYAY!!

Is this a dumb thing to be happy about?  I feel so special!  =)

What a day this has been!

The street where I live

Today is one of those days where I walked down the street and thought, "Yeah.  I really live here.  I'm on the OTHER side of the world, surrounded by Asian people...and life is AWESOME."

This is something you never forget, but often fail to realize.

It's so cool.

Today I feel like one of those interesting people who do something different.  Tomorrow I might miss rain, or coffee, or fireplaces, but today is fantastic!




P.S. For those of you who sang or hummed the title of this blog, you are correct.  Music points for you!  Bonus point if you changed the photo caption to 'The street where you live' and sang that as well.

Bonnie Bunny

Many little girls grow up dreaming of the day they can be a mommy.  I wasn't one of them.  My momma told me I could be whatever I wanted to be, and that God had something special just for me.  So instead of naming my children, I grew up dreaming about being a writer or astronaut or scientist or explorer.  I even had a brief fire-fighter stage.  It hasn't been until recently that I've been bitten by the mommy-bug.  There are several single female teachers here (and yes, eligible men as well) and a recurring conversation theme: When will we have families?  Do we HAVE to wait for husbands in order to raise children?  Personally, I speak strictly from the 'what-if' category on that; I have no plans to adopt at this time. =)

However-

My friend recently bought a bunny, and my maternal instincts instantly went into overdrive.  In lieu of adopting a Chinese baby, it occurred to me that adopting a Chinese bunny might fulfill my need to mother.

Where's PETA when you need them?

This instigated a bunny-hunt, which involved talking to several Chinese friends and students, renting motor bikes (bikes with motors, not motorcycles - a stroke of Chinese brilliance) and spending hours touring all over Xinzheng to find the pet-market.  Interestingly enough, the pet rabbits were right next to the meat rabbits.  The poor things were all jammed into metal baskets so tightly that they couldn't move.  From what I've seen, Chinese people are not gentle with their animals AT ALL.  Adults allow children to smack and poke them, and the sellers are rather rough with them, ripping off matted hair and carelessly squashing their faces as they pull them in and out of cages.

Cassie

Chatting after a stressful ride

I chose my bunny, a beautiful little 'Panda-rabbit' with black ears and a speckled back, picked out a spacious cage, and marveled at my student's ability to maneuver a bike AND a caged rabbit through the crowded streets of Xinzheng.  (By the way, riding those bikes is not as easy as it sounds.  I almost biffed once when my student wasn't looking.  I saw an old Chinese man watching me, so I said, 'Shhh!' and pointed at my student.  Conspiratorial laughs with strangers are the best!)




My bunny had a bit of a messy tummy, so that night I did something I've never done before: I gave a rabbit a bath!  Blow-drying a rabbit is not as easy as blow-drying a dog. The fur is really soft and short - it's impossible to brush, and took forever to dry, but she was too little to leave wet.  Wet bunny in a towel?  Maybe the cutest thing.



After much deliberation I decided to name her 'Bonnie' because she was such a perky little thing, and I liked the alliteration.  She especially liked running behind the sofa and exploring my bedroom.  I decided to potty train her (which required hunting down cat litter) but she pooped on my blanket and peed in my favorite shoes within the first two days.  Not ON my favorite shoes - IN my favorite shoes.

It was worth it though. She spent a lot of time meeting my friends, and hanging out around my feet.  What a trusting soul!

She learned how to Skype, met Blake, and spent a lot of time tracking his face back and forth across the screen.  What kind of mom would I be if I didn't photo-capture the cuteness?

Lucy and Bonnie having a bonding moment.  Once she was safely at home and not crashing around Xinzheng, Bonnie was fairly confident.  My apartment must have been a haven of calm in comparison to the craziness of the pet market.

She hung out in the pocket of my awesome jammies while I did laundry the other day.



This past week was Culture Week at Sias.  It involves a lot of presentations and performance by the foreign faculty that teaches world history and showcases multicultural performance arts.  Bonnie seemed a little tired (I presumed it was due to my late nights) so she was in her cage while I was turning my friend Elizabeth into a salsa dancer.  I was almost done with her hair when I hear a squeak.  "Is that my bunny?" I wondered aloud.  Since when do bunnies make noise?  I stuck my head out of the bathroom and saw poor Bonnie stretched out on the floor of her cage.  Elizabeth and I went over to check her out, and the little thing squeaked again.  I jumped up and grabbed a couple hundred yuan and my shoes while Elizabeth called a Chinese speaking friend to go to the vet with me.  I ransacked my cupboards for a box, spurred on by the anxious little cries.  I found one, but before I could get the cage open, she arched her back, and died.

I've never watched anything die in pain like that.  Surely there is nothing quite as pathetic and heartrending as the frightened, pained cries of a baby bunny.  I would have taken her to the vet earlier if I had recognized the signs of a sick rabbit. So sad...

I was then faced with an immediate dilemma:  what do I do with her?  I have an immense capacity to deal with unpleasant things, but I do NOT handle dead things well.  It's not the death itself that's difficult, it's the corpse.  I try not to show it, but they really scare me.  What an irrational fear - it's not going to jump up at me or DO anything.  I have to mention that this doesn't apply to food sources or animals that I've hunted/caught for food.  I can even grit my teeth and get through a dissection just fine, but fetal pigs are pushing it.  I don't even want to think about dissecting cats!  When I was 17 we had a lovo  (like a luau) for a friend's wedding, and one of my best friends thought it would be a great idea to chase me with the pig's head....outside...in the dark...surrounded by sleeping Fijians.  (PS: I'M NOT OVER IT YET.)

I hate this part of me.  It makes me feel weak and heartless.  Who goes to a funeral of a loved one and shudders at the sight of their corpse?  Why is it that I can adore my dog for years and have a hard time touching her only minutes after her death?  What logic can possibly be behind the fear of a corpse?  None.  There is no logic, but I can't shake the aversion.

I told Elizabeth a little about it as she prepared to leave for her salsa dance.  That amazing woman offered to come back and take care of little Bonnie for me!  I hate that I was relieved, but I was.  She left to dance, leaving me with my tiny bunny corpse.  I covered the cage with a blanket, and sat bravely in the same room, hating my cowardice, but also full of gratefulness for my friend's help.

For the last several years, it's been a goal of mine to conquer my fear of corpses.  They are the only thing that really frighten me.  My independent streak tells me that I should be able to deal with things on my own, ALL things.  If someone breaks into my house, I don't scream - I pick up something heavy to swing.  If there's a fire, I try to put it out instead of calling the fire department (like a sensible person should).  I've wanted to conquer this THING, but now I wonder, why should I?

Chinese people do everything within their power to disperse negative feelings.  They usually try to diffuse tension by dispersing it among many people.  If one person has a problem with another, they get another person to work it out for them.  From an American perspective this looks like 'ganging up' on someone, but in China it's like every person is a mediator.  If you're down, people swarm you with happiness until you can't help but smile.  Even if your smile stems from politeness rather than compulsion, the outward act can lead to the feeling.  In a way, contentment of the individual is the responsibility of the community.  The individual relies on their community's support, but is conscious and eager to support others.

I'm a naturally independent person.  I fear little.  Maybe it's okay for me to have this area of weakness.  Maybe it's okay for me to need other people's help once in a while.  Of course there are many areas in life where I've received help and assistance before, but that has been largely situational.  It's a bit different to acknowledge that I have a constant and predictable weakness.  Moving overseas has been a both/and experience so far; I've grown both more independent in action and more reliant on the support of others in issues of the heart.  In moving here, I wanted to become more independent and free.  Now that I'm here, I feel like I'm learning that relying on your community requires trust and a willingness to release control.  It's scary to admit that you need another person, especially if you don't know if that person will come through.  But it's through that vulnerability that people can truly love one another.

My sweet and sad little time with Bonnie bunny left me with a bag of rabbit food and an empty cage.  It was so nice to have something to love on, but it might be a while before I get another bunny.  She was a sweetheart, and I miss her.

Kindness is Necessary

It's fall, and I've found myself missing so many things from home - rain, cold weather, thick sweaters and hot coffee.  But I was reminded recently about something that makes me incredibly glad to be away from America right now: ELECTION SEASON.  As posts trickle through my mini-feed, I'm filled with happiness that I'm not being hounded by vicious advertising campaigns and zealous political fiends that chase you down in the streets.

In my experience, election season highlights the following attitudes/assumptions:

1. If you do not wish to discuss political issues with me, clearly you have no conviction or courage.
2. If you do not agree with my political viewpoint, then you lack information or common sense.
3. My perspective is fueled by my conviction.  If you have the same information and come to a different conclusion, you're essentially amoral.
4. Your own opinions, deductions and rationales are not good enough, because you'll probably make an emotionally based decision, which is stupid.  Quote someone or give me a statistic so I can know whether or not you are a valid person to listen to.
5. If I out-talk you for any reason (or get other people to laugh at you) I win, and you're stupid.
6. If you out-talk me, (or get people to laugh at me) you are calling me stupid.

Thus we beat each other up with information and hateful slogans.  We demean and tear down fellow Americans if we deem that their moral convictions aren't in the right order.  When did WE become God?  Frankly, no one person can be correct about everything, which means by default that you may just be wrong once in a while.  Nothing exempts you from this - it's part of the privilege of being human.  You know what else?  If your convictions draw you to a few major issues, it doesn't mean that another person is stupid or evil for prioritizing something else.  Frankly, no one can be an expert at everything.  We NEED this variety to create a healthy society.

I am blown away every election season by the waves of contempt and contentious language that American people pour over one another.  I don't care who you are or what you are promoting: if you can't make your point without slandering the intelligence or moral acuity of your opposition, then you are not a persuasive person, you're a socially accepted bully.

Americans have allowed mob-mentality and bullying to be the driving force of our political fervor.  I'm not just talking about the official campaigns - I'm talking about the conversations that happen standing in line at the grocery store.

I found this quotation by John Wesley, and I find it very fitting:

Let's say (hypothetically) that you found out John Wesley DIDN'T actually say this.  Does that make the message any less true?

To my fellow Christians:  God told humans they were stewards of the earth (environmental rights).  He's also told us to build and grow (small business protection).  He clearly sets standards for ethical treatment of immigrants and foreigners (minority rights) and protection of the weak and defenseless (abortion, child rights, and ethical treatment of animals).  He also REPEATEDLY champions for the widow, orphan and poor and condemns societies that leave them unsupported (welfare).  Chances are, one of those things I just listed made you angry because you associate it with a particular party.  God has charged us with ALL of those responsibilities, not just issues that seem to be clearly upright or immoral.  It can be muddy and messy and grey - that's why so many people have to work on it together.  Above all, the way we choose to speak - and the issues we avoid due to discomfort - reflect not only on us, but the God we serve.

Kindess during the election season is not weakness or lack of fortitude.  It is necessary.  It's commanded by Jesus, 'Love your neighbor as yourself,' even if you think his politics are stupid.  Be smart.  Vote well.  Live well.  Be kind to one another.