That Kind of Thing

Today someone I really care about let me down a little.  We had made plans that were cancelled for very, very good reasons, but I was left waiting for an hour without knowing what was going on.  I knew that my friend's business was MUCH more important than my feelings, and that voicing my feelings would be a great unkindness given the circumstances.  My hurt was legitimate, but airing it would have been damaging to my friend.

But still - it was there.  Feeling taken for granted, a little neglected, and just....sad.

So I prayed about it.  For me, prayer often takes the form of letter-writing, usually for pages on end.  I sort out my feelings and often come to some kind of conclusion or perspective change.  This time I knew my perspective was good, but this nagging feeling...which made me feel a little silly.  About a paragraph into my writing, I said, "I just don't want this feeling anymore.  Could you take it away?  Do you do that kind of thing?"

Apparently He does.

I literally felt the sadness lift off of me, replaced, with peace and quiet joy.  I suppose I commonly associate sadness and disappointment with incorrect thinking, so instead of asking for release, I "work on" my perspective.  Sometimes sadness, disappointment, bad stuff just happen in spite of correct perspective and attitude.

This was a little thing, a simple thing, really.  I wanted to share it with all of you because it was a simple, pure gift from God given merely because I asked.  No prayer war, no soul-searching, or spiritual travail.  It was quiet and sweet.  And I'm glad.

Unbelievable Opportunities

I just spent the last hour lecturing a group of 10-15 students about Islam.

SURREAL.

A couple weeks ago, one of my students asked me if I would be the advisor for the Model United Nations (MUN) club on campus.  Obviously I was interested.  When I asked her what she wanted from me, she said, 'Do you know about religions? Can you teach us about Buddhism, Christianity, and Islam?' She almost jumped out of her chair when I told her I could!  I was careful to tell her that I would teach ABOUT these religions, not tell people what they should believe.  ....but I can't believe the opportunity that just fell into my lap!

I talked about Mohammed, basic beliefs about the Koran, Allah, and the importance of living a hilal lifestyle.  We discussed the 5 pillars of Faith and distinctive practices of Islam all over the world.  I even used a powerpoint - teacher points!

It blows me away that because of my background, education, and natural curiosity, I have a mountain of information to teach students who have no knowledge about religions at all.  Of the 10-ish students present, one of them had one Muslim friend. We talked about burqas, head coverings, dietary restrictions, Sunni and Shia believers, the Crusades, the Jewish diaspora at the fall of Jerusalem and the war of 1945 that reestablished Israel and displaced the Palestinians.  And ALL of them paid rapt attention and asked detailed, intelligent questions -- every teacher's dream.

At the next meeting we will discuss Buddhism.  I'm a little more nervous about that because I live in CHINA, but it's not likely that any of my students are practicing Buddhists, so that's a consolation.  They asked me to begin with Christianity, but I want to hold out on that one - it's worthy of much thought and preparation.  I'm so excited to be doing this here!

**A gentle reminder: I can speak freely in this format, but I highly prefer that the name of the university I teach at NOT be mentioned in the comments.  Thank you for your discretion!

Kindness is Necessary

It's fall, and I've found myself missing so many things from home - rain, cold weather, thick sweaters and hot coffee.  But I was reminded recently about something that makes me incredibly glad to be away from America right now: ELECTION SEASON.  As posts trickle through my mini-feed, I'm filled with happiness that I'm not being hounded by vicious advertising campaigns and zealous political fiends that chase you down in the streets.

In my experience, election season highlights the following attitudes/assumptions:

1. If you do not wish to discuss political issues with me, clearly you have no conviction or courage.
2. If you do not agree with my political viewpoint, then you lack information or common sense.
3. My perspective is fueled by my conviction.  If you have the same information and come to a different conclusion, you're essentially amoral.
4. Your own opinions, deductions and rationales are not good enough, because you'll probably make an emotionally based decision, which is stupid.  Quote someone or give me a statistic so I can know whether or not you are a valid person to listen to.
5. If I out-talk you for any reason (or get other people to laugh at you) I win, and you're stupid.
6. If you out-talk me, (or get people to laugh at me) you are calling me stupid.

Thus we beat each other up with information and hateful slogans.  We demean and tear down fellow Americans if we deem that their moral convictions aren't in the right order.  When did WE become God?  Frankly, no one person can be correct about everything, which means by default that you may just be wrong once in a while.  Nothing exempts you from this - it's part of the privilege of being human.  You know what else?  If your convictions draw you to a few major issues, it doesn't mean that another person is stupid or evil for prioritizing something else.  Frankly, no one can be an expert at everything.  We NEED this variety to create a healthy society.

I am blown away every election season by the waves of contempt and contentious language that American people pour over one another.  I don't care who you are or what you are promoting: if you can't make your point without slandering the intelligence or moral acuity of your opposition, then you are not a persuasive person, you're a socially accepted bully.

Americans have allowed mob-mentality and bullying to be the driving force of our political fervor.  I'm not just talking about the official campaigns - I'm talking about the conversations that happen standing in line at the grocery store.

I found this quotation by John Wesley, and I find it very fitting:

Let's say (hypothetically) that you found out John Wesley DIDN'T actually say this.  Does that make the message any less true?

To my fellow Christians:  God told humans they were stewards of the earth (environmental rights).  He's also told us to build and grow (small business protection).  He clearly sets standards for ethical treatment of immigrants and foreigners (minority rights) and protection of the weak and defenseless (abortion, child rights, and ethical treatment of animals).  He also REPEATEDLY champions for the widow, orphan and poor and condemns societies that leave them unsupported (welfare).  Chances are, one of those things I just listed made you angry because you associate it with a particular party.  God has charged us with ALL of those responsibilities, not just issues that seem to be clearly upright or immoral.  It can be muddy and messy and grey - that's why so many people have to work on it together.  Above all, the way we choose to speak - and the issues we avoid due to discomfort - reflect not only on us, but the God we serve.

Kindess during the election season is not weakness or lack of fortitude.  It is necessary.  It's commanded by Jesus, 'Love your neighbor as yourself,' even if you think his politics are stupid.  Be smart.  Vote well.  Live well.  Be kind to one another.

Questions, Answers, and Turning Points

When I was 17, I took a class called Honors American Studies which was a blend of English and History.  Toward the end of the year we were told to write a paper based on the life of a historical figure.  We were told to identify the 'turning point' of the person's life and base the paper on that thesis. It was a bit difficult to use an occurrence as a thesis, but the assignment did serve to launch me on a deeper level of introspection almost immediately.  I wondered "What will my 'turning point' be? What do I want it to be? Do I have any say over this?"  It didn't take me long to realize that you can't choose which events will be significant in your life.  Memorable words are seldom platitudes, phases can be as significant as events, and who you choose to become is as much a part of your identity as your immediate inclinations are.  I realized then that I will never be able to identify my own 'turning point,' if there even is such a thing.  Only in hindsight can a person see the importance of events and patterns that guide a life.

I've always felt a sense of urgency to do well, to do right, to be thorough.  These are good things, but the urgency is noted by people around me.  Those who don't like it say I'm intense, driven, OCD, over-the-top, intimidating, and stubborn.  People who like it say I'm confident, thorough, detailed, passionate, persistent, and strong.  All I know is that God's given me two deep desires: to know, and to protect.

I love Ecclesiastes because it talks about the God-given thirst for understanding and how He keeps it forever beyond our grasp.  I know that this paradox exists to keep me in a listening posture, but some questions circle around like a familiar echo, sometimes intriguing, sometimes reminding me of the empty places where answers should be.

I expect this year to be a turning point.  Maybe I'll be told to stay.  Maybe I'll be told to return.  Maybe I'll be told to go somewhere else.  But maybe this will be just another year.  Maybe there will be no big revelation.  I don't get to decide when and where those happen.  I know that I'm in a position of listening and following, and that toys with my independent, driven spirit.


Before I left America, a good friend gave me a song by Britt Nicole.  I had never heard it before, but I knew it belonged to me from the first time I heard it.  There are so many layers of meaning, but what's striking me at the moment are these lines:

"And I'll stop searching for the answers,

I'll stop praying for an escape,

And I'll trust you, God, with where I am,

And believe that You will have your way."

I honestly don't know if I can do this, actually stop looking for answers.  My curiosity and drive are so strong.  I believe God will have His way with me - I just want to know what it is and if I'm doing well.

This post may sound sad.  I don't feel very sad, there are just things I wish I had clearer answers about.  Until I have them, I just remind myself that life is clearer in hindsight, and that following is sometimes more important than answers.

"Even if my dreams have died,

And even if I don't survive,

I'll still worship You with all my life."