Wonderful Water

After sleeping for 31/2 hours, I taught three classes and managed to eat dinner before collapsing on my sofa.  I was covered with a fine layer of China-grit, my legs and stomach ached, and my noses-knowses-my-toeses-weren't-roses.  My living room bore the wreckage of Hurricane Semester-Grades, but I tried to ignore it as I zoned out on my computer, chatting with a friend.

I decided that putting China-grit in my bed was an option too disgusting to consider.  I maneuvered around dirty dishes and piles of laundry* to flip on my hot water, weeping inwardly over my lack of a bathtub.  Then I remembered that I had hot water.  Not just hot water, but a hot water TANK, which I inherited (for free) when I moved into my apartment.  Having a tank means that I can have hot water whenever I want it, and I don't run out.  Then I thought about how I had finished my grades on time without feeling stressed out or having to run to class.  Of course, I HAD to finish them early because I had a morning Skype-date with a friend in Portland.

And then I had a mocha.
Then a student checked up on me after class because I seemed down. (Tired.)
Then talked with another friend in Chile after my classes.
While I was drinking an imported beverage.
Then I streamed a TV show. (Because I have the best wifi signal in our apartment building.)
A TV show in English.

These thoughts were running through my head, and before I realized it, I was singing along with the radio, thanks to technology, awesome wifi, and companies who think that music should be free.  And to top it off, a friend gave me a water dispenser this week.  I put down a one-time, refundable $6.50 deposit.  I now have access to free filtered water delivered to my door for as long as I want.  Things that are the norm in America just....aren't a guarantee in other countries.  I'm not being sarcastic or dramatic when I say that I'm really excited that I can fill my water bottle before class without having to boil water, ask for water from a tea shop, or wait 3 minutes as the machine in the cafeteria fills my bottle one drop at a time.  I have water - hot water in my shower, and clean water in my bottle.  I have access to international friends, music, entertainment, and I live in China, engaging in life through a completely new venue with people that I really enjoy.

I'm still exhausted.  I still want a bathtub and a cheeseburger.  But I have to say, my life is pretty awesome.


*I'm not typically a slob, but at the end of the term housework is low on my list of priorities.

Picking up the Pace

An excerpt from an email to a friend.

She said: "Hey, what's up with you?"

I said:

Hey.
- Grades.
- Final Reviews.
- Meetings about MORE employment next year.
- I met the UN head of Women's issues for the country of Morocco. She's going to connect me with the UN Director of NGOs in Palestine.
- Applying for a professional Fulbright Grant to do research.
- Considering getting a second Masters next year in sociology.
- I think I have a new mentor - a fascinating French Canadian woman who studied the rise/fall of the women's movement in the M.E. We had an immediate connection.
- And hey, I mentioned grading and finals, right? Ugh, stress.
- Still no airplane tickets. If there's no improvement, I'm buying a kayak.

There are sooooo many things going on right now, fascinating things, exciting things, motivational things, ALL-THE-THINGS!  I have two partially written posts explaining what's been going on.  I hope to have a full-ish report to give you all by this weekend.

The Future

I miss school. Being IN school. Maybe I just miss the structure of having someone tell me EXACTLY how to go about doing my work, or maybe I miss having colleagues hold me accountable to an extremely high standard. Or the smell of new books or the energy of a college hallway. Which sounds ridiculous considering that I work AT a college. Someday I'll go back. Someday when I have money and know which PhD program I want. When I get there, I will have paid off all my loans, acquired the perfect body and a sailboat that I will be able to sail successfully on my own across multiple hemispheres. I'll be finishing my final draft of a book, which I'll write to satisfy the requests of my blog followers. In my mind's eye, I have the perfect haircut and a grey power-suit with a pencil skirt that never wrinkles. Wonderfully cultured men will vie for my attention, but I don't have time for them. The choirs I teach will perfectly incorporate indigenous instruments from whatever culture I live in. My compositions will be highly sought after, and the concerts I conduct will move people to tears. (In a good way.) Every morning will begin with yoga, a cup of tea, and a good book. Powerful people will listen to my opinions respectfully, and I'll build schools for forgotten people in unfathomable places. In fact, the UN will be grooming me to work in a position developing international educational systems, but I may opt to be a professor at my alma mater instead. I'll have some kind of absurd pet, like a skunk or a monkey or a lemur named either Sylvia or Charles. And I will never sweat. I think I'll get there in the next 10 years.

The future is a good place.

In other news, I'll be returning to China next year.

Sweeping Change of Plans

The past three days have been a whirlwind of meetings, ideas, and a striking change of plans.

A couple of months ago, I decided that I would not return to China next year.  There were a number of reasons, but the most pertinent factors were position (I should be teaching music, not English), salary (American sized-debt needs American-sized salary), and a couple of core-level culture clashes.*

This weekend I was invited to be a part of an interview team for the World Academy for the Future of Women.**  It's possible that I'll be writing more about this organization in the future.  For now, I'll just say that it's a club focused on propagating confident and effect women in leadership positions.  Besides interviews, I'm also teaching the club members a song to perform at a Symposium this weekend.  The members of this club are some of the most driven and competent students I've met at the university.  They listen closely and act whole-heartedly.  I've been very impressed by the caliber of student I've seen both in the club, and in students who apply for the club.

As I talked to these women (and a few men)  I grew more and more excited about the people, their goals, and the values they were working to instill.  I had numerous conversations with leaders and colleagues about the upcoming year, planning out themes, leadership development, partnering with other institutions, and selecting a dynamic group of fascinating, young Chinese women.  I quickly found myself thinking, "I'd stay in China for this."

The Academy is eager to have an on-site coordinator, but at the moment there's no funding for the position.  After many more conversations and meetings I've worked out a plan that has potential.  At this moment, a friend and current teacher in the music department is helping me arrange an audition/interview with the head of the university's vocal department.  If he likes what he hears, I could potentially be hired to teach private voice full time next year.  There's also a slim chance that I could be hired to teach English again.  If one of those options work out, the Academy may supplement my salary in order to keep me on as a coordinator.

There are numerous loose ends to this 'plan.'  I wouldn't mention it at all, but I think prayer works.  The next week is full of hurdles for me: concerts, interviews, solos, grading, international travel arrangements, residence permit applications, resumé updates, proposals to write and important interactions with powerful people.  If you're a praying person, please pray for favor and clear guidance. If you're not a praying person, please cheer from afar!




*I'm not referring to an argument or feeling of anger.  Some elemental parts of Chinese culture flow perpendicularly to my personal convictions.  I've learned how to accept and function with the differences, but I'm not at peace with them.
** Link for more information:  http://globalinteractions.org/world-academy-for-the-future-of-women/

Unexpected Book-talk

Recently I stayed home with an sneak-attack of mild food poisoning.  I cancelled class and rehearsal, but forgot about a student meeting that I had in the evening.  After toughing through the meeting, I was headed upstairs when I saw one of my favorite students* chatting in a library next to a cafe.  I poked my head inside to say hello, and noticed that three students were circled about a Chinese-English Bible.

So during a time I least expected it, I joined a small group of students trying to wrap their brains around the ideas in the Bible.  The concepts they struggled with were amazingly logical: Are all of these stories true?  If we can do anything we set our minds to, why do we need God?  I have questions, so I guess I don't "believe."

I loved the fact that I was there to hear these questions, because too often these thoughts are shushed with cliche responses that don't really address the issues.  Here are a few of my thoughts about these questions....

Are all of these stories true?
Classic Answer: Yes.  
My answer: Which story?
Biblical authors weren't afraid of allegory, metaphor or illustrative narratives.  Some people say, 'But if you think the Bible can be metaphorical, you can explain away all difficult parts as metaphors!'  Um...no you can't.  If you refuse to consider the possible uses of literature, you choose to limit your understanding of the Bible.  Psalms! Proverbs!   The development of themes and motifs of the prophets!  Story-telling forms of the ancient Hebrews!  My answer to this questions is, "I believe the Bible is real. Some of the writings aren't literal.  Which one are you talking about?"

If we can do anything we set our minds to, why do we need God?
Classic Answer:  Sometimes we make mistakes or get discouraged, so we need God.
My Answer: We can't do anything we set our minds to.
One of the myths of Modernism is the idea that hard work and innovation enables humankind to accomplish anything!  Don't believe me?  Go to a graduation ceremony.**  Many people I know would say, 'I don't believe that.  Human beings have limitations.  We have spiritual and psychological needs that often can't be addressed through hard work or willpower.'  If you are one of those people, welcome to Post-Modernism!  I use the labels of Modernism and Post Modernism because I've actually heard people lament the death of Modernism.  Humans can accomplish great things, but we cannot solve all problems.  Let go of that pressure...it runs people into the ground.  When this question meets faith, we tend to treat God like a gift-giver.  Yes, He is Wonderful, Counselor, and Healer, but our need of Him isn't restricted to times of pain.  We don't need God to encourage us while we solve all of life's problems.  We need God because we are human, fallible, and limited, and that is often difficult for us to accept.***

I have questions, so I guess I don't "believe."
Classic Answer: Uh-oh, let's find the answers.****
My Answer:  Questions are okay.
When I was little, I was troubled by the questions I had about God.  I was talking to my mom one day while we were doing errands (I don't know if she remembers this), and she finally paused from what she was doing, looked at me, and said, "God can handle your questions, Emily.  You're not going to make Him mad."  I felt immediate relief that has encouraged me often throughout the years.  God gave us brains, critical thinking skills, and plenty of paradoxical teachings in the Bible if we're brave enough to see them.  I think God wants our hearts AND our minds.  We worship with our minds by addressing the questions we have, not by ignoring them.  I believe that if we use our questions to pursue the nature of God, them we're right where He wants us - chasing Him down!

I love Jesus, and I love teaching.  Tonight I had the opportunity of talking with a well-loved student who was really thinking about God.  I loved being able to validate her questions.  Having faith isn't about the absence of questions, it's about the pursuit of God through those questions.  I'm excited to talk with these students again!



*I'm a teacher, not a parent.  Favorites are allowed.
**I loathe graduation ceremonies.  However, the people I love tend to graduate from places.  If I've ever attended a graduation ceremony on your behalf, please recognize it as the great extension of my love for you.
***There are many reasons we need God. These are just a few pertinent examples.
****Sometimes questions arise simply from lack of Biblical knowledge.  In this instance, I'm referring to deeper questions.  Too often I hear Christians say, "We just can't understand that because we're human."  True, we are limited by our humanity, but God has embedded in us the desire to understand him (Ecclesiastes), and that desire should be encouraged.

That Kind of Thing

Today someone I really care about let me down a little.  We had made plans that were cancelled for very, very good reasons, but I was left waiting for an hour without knowing what was going on.  I knew that my friend's business was MUCH more important than my feelings, and that voicing my feelings would be a great unkindness given the circumstances.  My hurt was legitimate, but airing it would have been damaging to my friend.

But still - it was there.  Feeling taken for granted, a little neglected, and just....sad.

So I prayed about it.  For me, prayer often takes the form of letter-writing, usually for pages on end.  I sort out my feelings and often come to some kind of conclusion or perspective change.  This time I knew my perspective was good, but this nagging feeling...which made me feel a little silly.  About a paragraph into my writing, I said, "I just don't want this feeling anymore.  Could you take it away?  Do you do that kind of thing?"

Apparently He does.

I literally felt the sadness lift off of me, replaced, with peace and quiet joy.  I suppose I commonly associate sadness and disappointment with incorrect thinking, so instead of asking for release, I "work on" my perspective.  Sometimes sadness, disappointment, bad stuff just happen in spite of correct perspective and attitude.

This was a little thing, a simple thing, really.  I wanted to share it with all of you because it was a simple, pure gift from God given merely because I asked.  No prayer war, no soul-searching, or spiritual travail.  It was quiet and sweet.  And I'm glad.