Look out world!

I'm baaaaaaaack....

I've been absent from my keyboard quite a while, for reasons.  A few reasons really, and I wouldn't be me if I didn't share them.

Reason #1: A wedding.
Reason #2: My brother's wedding
Reason #3: Another brother's wedding.
Reason #4: A busy job.
Reason #5: That was also a soul-sucker.
Reason #6: A dear friend's wedding.
Reason #7: A welcome job change!
Reason #7: A loss.
Reason #8: Another best friend/sister's wedding.
Reason #9: A few additional jobs.....



My dance card has been pretty full this year.


Weddings Galore
It seems like everybody got married this year - it's practically been one long extended party!  I have been so happy for the matches my people are making, and meeting all of the fantastic people that are getting married into my circles.  Throughout it all, the couples have been considerate, low-maintainance, and focused on laying a solid foundation for marriage.  It's been amazing to watch people I've loved since childhood step into a new phase with such grace and joy!

Several years ago, a friend mentioned to me that she had only ever attended one wedding - as a child.  I was blown away!  Ever since that conversation I've kept a tally of every wedding I've ever been to.  As of this May, I've been to 50 weddings, culminating with one that was especially memorable!

Work... WORK. Work? Work!
At this point you must have guessed that I have pretty mixed reviews about work this year.  I was lucky to land a full-time position during the wedding season.  Unfortunately, while my wardrobe improved, my savings account didn't.  On a deeper level, retail is a dangerous beast.  Your mind steeps in the idea that you need, and your needs can be met with things.  As soon as I could, I got my Oregon Teaching License (hooray!!) and began substituting.

This began what I call my "manna period."  Substitute work was sparse, but I got enough to keep me floating until the end of the year.  As soon as school ended, I started teaching voice lessons.  Then I began working at Starbucks, picking up more hours as voice lessons petered out.  After a few months, the strain of barely tying ends together started to get to me.  Then God said, "Manna," and I laughed instantly.*  Here I had ASKED to get out of retail, and God had provided me with just enough work to get by.  I wrapped up my whining and shifted my focus into prayer for direction.

And the direction about my next phase? "Soon."

What does that mean?  I have very little idea.  There's a sense that I'm standing at a Y in the road.  Maybe there's a husband and children in the future.  Maybe there's another country to live in, or an unexpected career change.  All I know for sure it that it's coming soon, and I need to be ready.

This past year has been challenging in deep, constant ways.  I think of this old show tune and laugh at its utter determination to see a silver lining where there is none.  When you're at rock bottom, you can only go up!

Hey look me over,

Lend me an ear -

Fresh out of clover,

Mortgaged up to here.

But don't pass the plate, folks,

Don't pass the cup -

I figure whenever you're down and out

The only way is up,

And I'll be up - like a rosebud,

High on the vine!

Don't thumb yer nose, bud,

Take a tip from mine,

I'm a little bit short of the elbow room,

So let me get me some,

And look out world,

Here I come!

*Manna: Long long ago, the enslaved Israelites cried out for God to save them from the Egyptian.  So He did, miraculously stealing them away across the desert to the Promised Land.  They were FREE...but they were whiners.  God took them on a scenic route through a desert, and soon they ran out of food.  The people talked to Moses, Moses talked to God, and God sent them....something.  'Manna' translates to "What is it?" which is what the Israelites called the new mystery food.  After several years of manna, they were REALLY tired of and whined to Moses for meat.  Moses talked to God, and God said, 'Really guys? I'm sending you mystery super-food EVERY DAY!  You want meat?  Fine.  Enjoy more than you want.'  Then the camp was swarmed with so much quail that after boiling it, broiling it, baking it, sauteing it, making pan fried quail, deep fried quail, stir-fried quail, pineapple quail, coconut quail, pepper quail, quail soup, quail stew, quail salad, quail and potatoes, quail burgers, and quail sandwiches, the Israelites ran out of recipes and prayed for God to get rid of that business.

Fall 2014 Update

Autumn is the best season for starting new things.  I’ve always loved this season best – it has the best food, most comfortable clothes, the prettiest variety of colors.  New school supplies were always a highlight growing up.  Even now I have a high appreciation for a fresh notebook with supple paper and a pen that glides smoothly.  For the first time in a long time, I find myself drawn back to writing, seduced by the autumn atmosphere in my home country for the first time in three years.

I must admit that my return to the United States hasn’t gone completely according to plan.  Though I have full-time work, I’m not in a classroom, which is saddening.  I’m a teacher in a salesperson’s clothes….but luckily they’re very nice clothes.  My wardrobe is looking much better now that I’ve landed a management position at Chico’s.  It was timely change considering that I’ve lost over 30 lbs since June.  (So fun!)  It’s also a strange change – only once in my adult life have I been this fit.  I’m finding all kinds of angles and edges to my body that I’ve never had before.  Losing my fat cushion reveals that I’m more of a klutz than I realized.  I find bruises all over from countertops and tables that are harder than they used to be.

My dating life got a bit of a jumpstart this summer.  I decided that after two years in China, my social circles had dwindled and I wanted to meet people.  After a few weeks of emailing on match.com, I had a whirlwind of dates like I’ve never experienced before.  I quickly learned marathon dating was NOT MY STYLE, so I put the kibosh on that and started scheduling more coffee dates with old friends.

This has also been the summer of weddings.  One summer I remember attending seven weddings.  SEVEN.  This summer there were only three, but they were significant family weddings filled with high highs, low lows, countless carbs, and many happy tears.  They’ve left me with a stack of pictures, memories, and a new sister!

I’m reveling in autumn, family, smooshy sweaters, and clothes off the rack with long enough sleeves.  I’m drinking in the fresh air, smooth coffee, and the sound of rain.  I literally got tears of joy the other day over a croissant that croissant-ed to perfection.  It’s been good to be back.

And yet.

It’s strange that I’m not boarding a plane.  I miss being around people who considering relocating a normal part of life.  I miss my Chinese friends, and I keep thinking I see people from my apartment complex everywhere.   I miss cold street noodles, cheap supermarkets, sanrenche (3 wheeled bikes), and CRAZY DRIVERS.  Mostly I mix expatriats, people committed to living as an ethnic and cultural ‘other’ because it’s worth it.  It’s hard, tiring, fascinating, humbling, and quite possibly one of the most rewarding things a person can do.  I miss meeting that kind of person.  Part of me was afraid that I’d lose that part of myself, the learner, the risk taker, the I’ll-figure-out-whatever-happens-because-it’s-completely-beyond-my-control side of me.  I talked with my neighbor about it as I prepared to leave China.  He just said, “Naaaah.  You’ve got it in your blood now, living overseas.  You’ll go again.”  It was a comfort to me then, and even now as I try to assimilate.

American culture is tough.  Productivity is expected at every moment.  A person’s emotional dynamics are much more varied, vivid, and projected, which is fun, but exhausting.  The pace of life has been the hardest to adapt to, and driving is less fun than it used to be.

And then there’s this:

I’m tired of hearing people complain about non-English speakers.  Leaving one’s home country and acclimating to life elsewhere is mind-boggling, challenging, adventurous, and extremely challenging.  Not speaking a language is not a mental deficiency or being deliberately obtuse.  It’s also not something that can be remedied with a few months of hard work.  On the contrary, not speaking the local language demands that a person constantly use practical problem-solving skills and creative deductions every single hour of every single day.  Complaining about people who don’t speak English in America shows complete ignorance about the challenges they overcome every day.  It’s also pretty selfish.  English is the trade language of our era.  It’s common for people to learn it as a secondary language.  However, it’s not moral failing if they don’t.  Come on ‘muricans.  Don’t be such a bunch of whiners.  Learn a language.

That’s one of the goals I’m choosing for myself before I move on again.  I expect to be in America for a while, but I know my international work isn’t over yet.  I spent two years in China.  China was good to me, and I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything!  I fully expect to work overseas again, though I doubt China is the destination.

But now, now I prepare.  My feet are happily planted here for the nonce, but my vision looks outward with hope.

Home for the Summer!

It's 12:15am of the day I leave China.  I'm ready to  collapse in bed for a few hours of sleep, but I didn't feel like I could leave without writing one more post.

This last week has been incredibly difficult for me - no, not pain from leaving China.  Back pain!  I was packing last Tuesday when I threw out my back in the most painful way I've ever experienced.  The past six days have included multiple trips to the hospital, capsules containing 'artificial tiger bone', and the help of countless friends.  I'm not new to back pain, but I've never experienced it to this extent.  My community here truly outdid themselves on my behalf.  People brought me food, helped me stand and walk, did my laundry, paid my phone bill, scoured the building for American medicine - one friend even helped me pack one of my suitcases!  While I can't say I'd choose it again, it was still really amazing to see how everyone pulled together - for me.  Not a bad way to go.

An interesting side affect was how my immobility affected my stress level.  Because I had to limit what I lifted and how I moved, I obsess over every detail of packing and cleaning like I typically do before a trip.  I had a solid dose of 'It is what it is' attitude.  So my house is immaculately clean.  So what?  It'll get dusty over the course of the summer anyways.  I do have to say though, it's perfectly tidy.  Perfectly.

As I finished my last project (a calendar to put in my carry-on) I cleaned off my desk, and organized my papers.  I opened a box of letters that friends gave me as I left last fall.  I read over them, and was surprised to find how encouraging they were here at the end of the year.  The last few weeks have been focused on reviewing the year, sizing up strengths and weaknesses, and making a game plan for next year.  After all that critique, it was wonderful to re-read those affirmations.  Never underestimate the power of a good letter!

It was also fun to realize that I will see these people in a matter of days!  Warning:  I'm a long hugger.  AND my hugging needs haven't been met for 10 months.  So - here I come!!